Sorry, I blinked

And just like that, it’s the end of August. The year has flown by (which is to say, I was aware of every excruciating minute of it, but once past the moment I’d say “Whoa, where’d the time go”). I’m currently writing from Squam Lake (as I’m fond of doing), where I’ve been for the past week, enjoying the peace and quiet and not-having-to-do-anything of it all. I get up when I want, go for a swim, and fiddle with what I want (rather than what I feel like I should).

One result is redesigning this blog. I’d stuck with the previous design for a while — about 3 years, which is longer than I usually keep them. Maybe it’s weird, but I find it sort of meditative to tear the site apart, and then rebuild it fresh. None of the designs are super polished, but they function in a way I feel is appropriate at the time. I tend not to spend more than a few days to a week on it, and however far I get is generally “good enough” and I put it up. (For the record, this current design was ~1.5 days.)

So what’s new? Let’s revisit the last life update for clues:

• Still playing Final Fantasy XIV, woo! Splitting my time between Goblin and Hyperion, because getting friends to play together is a pain.
• I replaced my car! 11 days after I wrote that last post, actually. I picked up another Subaru (an Impreza wagon this time). I like it: it’s fun to drive, good gas mileage, can carry stuff. I’ve already taken it to Portland and Seattle twice.
• Career next steps: eh, not so much. Took a stab at something, but it didn’t work out. Still employed, though, and will be switching teams (same role, different project) when I get back from this fine New England vacation.
• Site redesign: done! I was right, felt good to scratch that itch.

So, y’know, progress of a sort. There’s also other stuff that’s been happening. My great aunt Anne passed away earlier this year, at 103 — her memorial service was last week. She deserves her own post, but for now let me just say: she was a grand lady, who lived a full life filled with adventures and experiences. Always telling stories and anecdotes, and I owe more than some of my awareness of family history to her, as well as my appreciation for traveling whenever the opportunity strikes. She bought me my first suitcase.

I made it out to Denver for my friend Shane’s wedding: a delightful trip, and I was glad to see old friends. I also visited Seattle in April, and then again in June, with stops in Portland on both occasions. These were ostensibly work trips: we recently opened a Seattle office, which I am sorely tempted to try and transfer to. And not just because the views are ridiculous:

I’ve been reflecting a lot about what I want to achieve in my life, and… not necessarily having doubts, per se, but at least what could be considered some “healthy questioning.” I’ve been struggling with loneliness and depression since I moved to the Bay (well, longer with the depression, but it’s definitely been more acute), and while it makes me wonder how long I really expect to remain in the area, it also makes me wonder how I plan to address that for wherever I move next if I do leave. (That’s not to say there aren’t wonderful people in the Bay. There are! But knowing lovely people is not the same thing as having the sort of connection that helps assuage loneliness.)

I’ve also been thinking about ethics within the tech industry. Not singling out any one company (though if you’ve been paying attention to the tech scene at all, I suspect half a dozen randomly popped into your head as soon as I brought up the topic), just in general whether we’re asking ourselves the right questions and actually considering things through an ethical lens (it seems like even when groups do, it’s at best through a very narrowly defined utilitarian view, which may not be the appropriate approach). This is better served by a longer, more dedicated post, but I at least wanted to get the idea noted.

Anyway, I’m going to try and post on here a bit more often (doesn’t take much: if I manage to post more often than once every few months, that’s “more”). It’s not that I don’t have thoughts to share, it’s that I’ve stopped speaking them.